Bucket lists

No, don't panic. This isn't about my recent gynaecological investigations!

It's a big thing at the moment isn't it, making a "Bucket List". A list of all the things you want to do before you die. So I've been giving it some thought. What do I really want to do before I die? 

I've read some other people's bucket lists, and they include things like skydiving, swim with sharks, eat fugu. What I wonder is, if someone has several dangerous things on their list how do they decide in what order to do them? I mean, it would be a bit of a bugger to have 100 things on your list and die base jumping off the top of Peterborough Job Centre which was in position number 1.

There were some I've seen that were a bit more achievable, for example, visit The British Museum - done! Sing Karaoke - done! Master your grandparents native language... well that's a tough one, my Nan was from Lincolnshire, but my Grandad... well he was from Lincolnshire. Done!

I've decided to create a more realistic bucket list, because I can't see the point of putting stuff on there that will just never happen. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a natural pessimist, I just think it's highly unlikely I'll ever climb Everest or be awarded a star on the Hollywood walk of fame.

So here's my bucket list :-

1. Learn to juggle - not too dangerous, unlikely to cause my death as I only intend to juggle with balled up pairs of socks to begin with.

2. Complete a marathon - or as they're now known, Snickers.

3. Visit The Winter Palace in St Petersburg. I've wanted to go there since I read a brilliant book about the Romanovs years ago.

4. Throw an 80th birthday party for my Dad, who is currently 64 and has prostate cancer.

5. Attend a filming of QI. It's my favourite telly programme and I just love Stephen Fry!

6. Own my own home.

7. Make a Christmas cake from scratch, including marzipanning and icing it.

8. Watch every episode of The West Wing. I've never even seen 5 minutes of it but everyone seems to rave about it.

9. Pass my driving test. I've failed 3 times so far.

10. And finally, have a holiday in a water cabin in The Maldives. OK, so this one isn't totally realistic at the moment, but you never know, I might win the lottery one day!

That's it for now, but I'm sure I'll add more over time.

Good day to you

Viz Top Tip - Don't waste money on expensive carpets throughout your home, just buy 2 samples and strap them to your feet, that way you'll have luxury underfoot at a fraction of the price.

So, I was thinking about words

I know it's inevitable that language will evolve, but it's a shame when words are practically erased from the dictionary altogether. For example, when did we all stop going to the "pictures" and start going to the cinema? I mean, when I was a kid we never went to a cinema. A cinema was a place where American teens "hung out" in TV shows and films (not movies... never movies). We English went to the pictures, and we never hung out.

The misuse of words is another thing that really annoys me (once I've clicked send on this I'll be waiting anxiously for someone to email me and tell me that I've gone and used a word incorrectly, which of course will serve me right for being such a word snob in the first place!). Here are a few examples of what winds me up:-

~ Somethink/Anythink - I hate it. I hate it. I'm sure the people who say it wouldn't actually write it so where the bloody hell has that rogue k come from?  I have a friend who I love dearly, but whose tongue I want to rip from her head every time she has "somethink" to tell me. Another friend actually says "somethint". WHAT?

~ Literally - I've been guilty of using this out of place myself, and when I do it my lips and my bum both purse and I quietly curse myself for being a cretin. "I was so embarrassed I literally died" well, no you didn't did you. "I laughed so much I literally wet myself" did you? did you actually urinate in your own pants? I doubt it. There has been occassions when I have, indeed, laughed so much I've literally wet myself, but let's not go into that.

~ Of - when used after should, could, would etc. I don't understand why people do that. Unless it's because when we shorten them to "would've" etc it sounds slightly like "would of". But it's not, so don't do it. Ever.

And American English. American what? What English? I know it's not a big deal to have the odd u dumped, or to change the pronunciation - AL-OO-MIN-UM for example. But it's English. Surely you have to assume that as it's our language, and we've been speaking it since before America was even a twinkle in it's Daddy's eye, that we got it right and it doesn't need to be tinkered with. Actually this irritates more than I initially realised... oh yes Americans, it's realise NOT realize!! How very dare you!! And let's not even mention what you call your bottom!! Although you did invent KFC and Macdonalds, so I forgive you. I just wish your Big Macs came with chips instead of fries.

Right, I'm all worded out for now.

Good day to you.

Viz Top Tip - Don't waste money on expensive binoculars, just stand closer to the object you wish to look at.